Part 1: Can't I Just Wear My Flannel Shirt? Why Fetish Wear is De Rigeur

I could hear the last little click as I snapped the corset closed. It fitted snugly, but not uncomfortably. Black satin hugging my waist, pushing my breasts up so my nipples peaked through the black lace of the bodice. Tiny straps over my shoulders, holding the whole thing up. Perhaps a sense that at any moment, any moment now, things might just tumble out.

As I walked through the party, I could feel men's eyes following my breasts. Sometimes they didn't even look up at me, their head's bowed in reverence of some sort. I felt powerful. Nowhere but at a BDSM party could I dress like this. I flaunted my sexuality, and the sexual tension flowed around me in foaming rapids.

The funny thing is that a bathing suit probably shows more of me than this corset does. But then, it's not about how much skin is on display. It's that something about corsets which drives us all a little crazy.

Clothing is an artistic expression, as intimate as anything outside your body can be. It is a painting, a sculpture which follows your every move. It affects how people respond to you, and how you feel about yourself. Years ago when I first started riding a motorcycle, I decked myself out in mirrored sunglasses, a Harley jacket, and black boots. To my surprise, some people responded to me with fear. Those clothes didn't change my essential being, but they affected others so much they could no longer see the real me, the cheerful and gentle me who could be seen the moment I removed those sunglasses.

A similar thing happened when I developed a professional wardrobe for work. When I wore a suit, people took me a little bit more seriously. I guess my baby face always worked a little against me, and I like it when I'm treated with more respect. People like to say it doesn't matter what they wear, or that their clothing doesn't "say" anything by virtue of being bland. In fact, it's quite the opposite. Every piece of clothing you wear says something about your approach to D/s , not to mention your socioeconomic level, education, and lifestyle.

It can be daunting for a person new to BDSM to learn about the lifestyle and look stylish too. One of the easy ways to spot novices is that they show up to scene events in street clothing, the usual wear of flannel, denim and gabardine. The more courageous ones choose monochromatic looks in basic black, but still neutral enough so they could stop by Wal-Mart on the way home for an extra pair of socks, presumably also black. I'm not making a case that anyone should be a fashion plate to attend a party, only that you will feel more "when in Rome" with a little zip in your style.

It would be nice if we were all judged by who we are, and not how we dress. But human beings respond to outward appearance, and dress is a large part of appearance. Still, there's always a few holdouts, people who refuse to dress up for scene events. My friend Brandon is the king of "I yam what I yam." Brandon says his dominance is internal, and so there's no need to change from his jeans and flannel shirt. He may well be right, and of course on a deeper level, he's right about dominance being an intrinsic thing. But he also needs to know that since the community tends to dress up, his partners probably have certain expectations around image, especially when they are women. I remind him that many scene events have a dress code of one type or another, and he may not be welcome if he insists on going casual. Hey, if you show up looking like a Vermont woodchuck, you'll be perceived as a Vermont woodchuck. Is woodchucklyness what you want?

Clothing is more than just about fitting into a community, however. It affects how we feel both on the superficial level (do I look sexy?) as well as a deeper one (does this outfit express my Dominant spirit?). It affects how we feel about ourselves, our confidence, and our sex appeal. It frames our bodies, expresses our orientation, and speaks volumes about how we feel about our sexuality. It puts us in the mood and acts as a transition into those magical spaces, a psychological device to take us from the workaday world to the mysterious pathways of BDSM.

If you're only going to public munches, a fetish outfit may well be inappropriate. Nevertheless, you'll want to have a few items like jewelry which will express your orientation. If you're attending social events with no play, dress to the nines and feel confident your outfits will be duly appreciated. At a play party the focus is less on socializing and more on activity, so you will want to make sure you are wearing clothing which doesn't get in your way during scenes. That is, no dangling jewelry or flowy clothing which can get caught on things. Of course in a private scene with your partner, you will want to dress for whatever is planned.

Clothing is not just fabric and zippers and thread; it is the art by which we express our inner selves to he world.

Part 2: The Fetish Wardrobe: Developing A Fetish Wardrobe On A Budget

My friend Cameron is a thoughtful and thinking Dominant, but ever since I've knowing him he's shown up at scene events in the standard black suit, pepped up with a string tie. Did he look good? Sure he did. Did he look fetish? Not in the slightest. A few months ago I commented to him that I thought it was about time he started dressing with a little more liveliness. The next month he showed up in a beautiful leather suit. Soft as butter and tailored to fit. His outfit was perfect for him; it fit his understated style, but still expressed his orientation. He has also had the foresight to buy a suit which while surely expensive, was simple enough to wear to non-fetish events. He told me that he made the change so that he would no longer look like a "shlub" (his word not mine). He may never have really looked like a shlub. Heck I've seen guests in ripped t-shirts sashay into parties, but there's no question that in this suit, Cameron glowed.

Cameron had the money and good taste to invest in one really killer outfit, but many of us are on a budget. This section will look at some of the ways to build a fetish wardrobe without breaking your fetish fund. Many of these ideas will also work well for building a wardrobe for any purpose, but the idea here is to transition the clothes you already have into a working fetish wardrobe.

What makes a wardrobe a "fetish" wardrobe? Fetish wear transcends the ordinary. It is clothing you can't wear to work and probably don't want to wear to Wal-Mart. It is sexy, stylish and uses unusual fabrics. It celebrates the body, reveals, and invites fantasy. Styles are more dressy, shorter and longer skirts, jackets with tails, silver ties, and peekaboo bras. Fabrics center on leather, PVC, and plastic, with a preponderance of black of course, and other bright colors such as red and fuchsia.

When planning a fetish wardrobe, you will want to decide in advance what general style you want to follow, otherwise you will end up with a closet full of clothing which doesn't match, not to mention a thinner wallet for the effort. With a little bit of planning, you can develop a number of outfits which will maximize the items you have without spending a fortune. If you feel that you are fashion challenged, ask a well dressed friend to assist you in choosing a wardrobe. Most of us who love clothing also love to share our passion.

What Are The General Styles?

There are four general styles of scene wear. The first style is sexy/revealing clothing which advertises your physical charms: clingy tops, butt-hugging chaps, and see-though skirts. This is the style I choose, focusing on my breasts of which I have one hell of a set, and my legs, which are fabulous if I do say so myself. I wear low-cut and see-through blouses, short skirts, and stockings and garter belts in sexy colors. When I dressed my submissive Phil, I put him in a black net tank top to emphasize his muscular shoulders, and silvery luminescent shorts to advertise his great tush.

The second style is the stylized look: beaded vests, fetish themed ties, leather chaps, string ties, tuxes with tails, corsets and so on. As little as one item of interesting fashion appeal can make the difference between shlubdom and fashion plate of the party. For example, one person I know has a collection of string tie clasps with detailed ornamentation in jade and other semi-precious stones. While the rest of his outfits might be unremarkable, he is memorable, and remembered for this one unusual item.

The third style is role playing oriented clothing, which might be anything from the classic French maid to gothic to the "little schoolgirl" or 1940's Humphrey Bogart style. My friend Colby dresses in this classic Bogart style: double breasted pin striped suits, matching fedoras and an attitude to match. Another friend, Kayla, dresses in a variety of 1940's style outfits with full length evening gloves and heirloom hats with netting over the eyes. These types of styles not only create an indelible impression, but also indicate an interest in the role-playing aspects of the BDSM lifestyle.

The last style is the classic Dominant or submissive styles. Dominants may choose clothing that expresses strength, power and control. This may include sexually tantalizing outfits, high-heeled "fuck me" pumps, and sometimes floggers or whips hanging off the belt. Fabrics lean toward the brighter colors and more exotic fabrics. Submissives will wear clothes which emphasize their vulnerability and willingness to please. Colors tend to be more pastel, and fabrics less aggressive. I always require my submissives to wear body-revealing clothing which allows me free access to any part of their body.

How Do I Start Building A Wardrobe?

Once you've decided on a style, you will want to do an inventory of your closet. You may be surprised at how many items you already have which can be converted into fetish wear. For women: search your closet for evening gowns, short skirts, full length skirts, low cut blouses, high heels, boots, and hats. Be sure to check your lingerie collection, as items like teddies and bustiers can be easily converted to fetish wear. For men: look for unusual pants, dressy shirts in black or bright colors, striking ties, and black suits.

You may have items which can be tailored into something more interesting. For example, a skirt you haven't worn for years can be shortened to an obscene length with some sexy flourishes on the bottom. Far less expensive than a new skirt, and very little effort and cost. Other basic wardrobe items can be made special by adding one or two unusual accessories. For example, a plain black pair of pants will derive new meaning when paired with a gold chain belt.

Once you know what you have, you can start buying or trading for what you don't have. Most people start with a basic wardrobe in a base color like black, then use a variety of special clothing items or accessories to add spice to their look. Be sure to focus on mix and match type clothing because they are more cost effective.

You do get what you pay for, especially in fetish wear, so try to buy a few quality items which can be used in a variety of ways, rather than one exotic and fabulous piece which can only be worn once a year. You'll want to avoid purchasing items like evening gowns or suits which only match one thing, themselves. They may be fabulous in every way, but if you can only wear them once in a while then they are not good investments.

In addition to choosing one general style, you will also want to take a good look at your body. What are your best attributes? Every person has some beautiful and sexy attributes, whether it be broad shoulders, green eyes, or a shapely and spankable tush. Choose clothing which accentuates the parts of your body that you love the most. If you're feeling self conscious, dressing yourself with love and appreciation will improve your confidence and self esteem.

I decided early on to create a sexy, but classy style for myself. My focus was on short skirts and low cut tops. I found my wardrobe already had a number of these items, so I had a good start. Along the way I bought a few basic skirts and had them shortened to a length far shorter than I'd ever wear out in daily life. I also invested in a variety of colored garter belts and stockings. These are an inexpensive sexy accountrement that makes the most of my legs. While I love the way colored wigs look, I hate wearing wigs and hats. Instead, I invested in spray hair paints in various colors as well as gold and silver sparkles.

As I shop for regular day-to-day clothing, I keep an eye out for unusual pieces which I can incorporate into my fetish wardrobe. Consignment shops are a great resource for inexpensive and unusual pieces. I also shop regularly on Ebay.com, which is a great place to get items which may not be available locally. I picked up some fabulous gold boots on Ebay, as well as a collar with one inch spikes and chains hanging down into my cleavage. In generally I'd advise that you avoid clothing from Ebay because you never know how something will fit, and items aren't returnable. Collars, jewelry and shoes are very standardized and are generally a safe buy. Another way I get new clothing items is by exchanging with my friends. I've even hosted clothing swap parties where we brought nearly-new items to exchange. After you've got a few outfits together, be sure to pick up a trench coat to cover them all so you can go to any party without alerting the neighbors.

If you have a little money, you will find many options on the Internet for fetish clothing. You need not spend a lot if you are willing to shop around a little. When shopping for corsets, I found basic ones as cheap as $50 and custom made corsets made for as much as $900. If you are buying a corset for its fashion appeal, then a $50 one will be fine. But if you are committed to the use of corsetry as part of your D/s relationship and for waist reduction, you will want to invest in a high end piece.

Creativity is one of the best ways to morph regular clothing into something special. Use items from around the house to give your outfit some zip. Try making a rope dress, or adding clothespins, safety pins or nipple clamps to your shirt or jacket. Use a chained set of nipple clamps to hold your jacket together rather than buttoning it. Hook your nicest flogger or crop to your belt. Just use your imagination.

I'd like to add one personal note here. There is a school of BDSM thought which focuses on the waist reduction aspect of corsetry. Players wear the corsets full time, as well as a nighttime corset. Over time, the organs around the waist area are slowly pushed upward or downward which results in a smaller waist. From what I've read, this in itself is not actually physically dangerous as long as it's done properly. However, any clothing item which prevents deep breathing, not to mention exercising in any way, cannot by definition be good for the body or soul. Being able to breath deeply and fully is the foundation of a healthy body, and so I strongly recommend against any sort of long-term wearing of corsets.

It's true enough that dressing up isn't for everyone. On the other hand, where else can I dress like this but at a BDSM party? Why not take advantage of the opportunity to express your creative side and dress for success.

Part 3: The Fetish Wardrobe: Accessorizing For Pain & Pleasure

My friend Julia has a mane of long blond hair. Thick, curly, and glowing in a hundred shades of gold. When she walks into a party, she may be wearing one of her full-length purple velvet capes, but it's her hair that draws stares. What a gift she's been given.

I think of hair as part of the "accessories" aspect of the fetish wardrobe. The great thing about accessories, whether bestowed upon us by nature or by the jewelry store, is that they can make otherwise neutral clothing into something startling. This part will look at some ways to use accessories to zip up your budget fetish wardrobe.

One of the best places to get inexpensive accessories is at those mall jewelry and clothing stores which cater to teenagers. The gothic look is very in now, so you'll find a huge selection of studded jewelry as well as kink-themed hats, gloves, purses, belts, and other items. Some areas you can focus on are:

Collars
My very first collar was a black dog collar with studs purchased at the pet store for under $10. Not fancy, no. But it clearly advertised my submissive nature. Later on I picked up a stunning spiked collar on Ebay.com for under $30 and custom sized to boot. Commonly used for submissives, collars are universal symbol of the BDSM lifestyle, but Dominants also use them as well. Chokers are another sexy piece of jewelry which focus attention on the face.

Gloves
We don't often see gloves in daily life, so they assume a feeling of eroticism when worn with a fetish outfit. Arm length evening gloves are wonderful and inexpensive, starting around $10. They do make it a little difficult to hold on to things, so don't wear them if you are doing a scene or managing the food table. Another great style is the fingerless lace gloves, also less than $10 at accessories shops. They have a bit of that "Material Girl" kind of feel, and are comfortable and cool even on a hot summer evening.

Hair & Hats
So you don't have hair like Julia, try a wig instead. Costume stores have stunning wigs in every hue and style for very reasonable prices. Also pick up some sexy hair accessories as well as gold and silver sparkles which come in gels or sprays. I also enjoy doing my hair in one bright color like red for the holidays or green for Saint Patrick's day. Shop just before Halloween for tons of decorative items for under $5. Don't forget your options in hats. Cool antique type hats can be had for a song at consignment shops as well as in specialty shops for "antique" clothing. Also pick up some spiky hair gel and do something interesting with your hair for the evening. If you like hats, scrounge around the consignment shop for antique or unusual hats.

Jewelry
Thanks to the teenage gothic subculture, the malls are full of inexpensive jewelry stores. Look for big bold designs, as well as the usual collars, bracelets, finger rings and other items with studs. I have a lovely "Story of O" silver ring which looks like a little collar.

Belts
Studded and spiked belts can be a wonderful addition to a plain black outfit. Also consider gold or silver chain belts, as well as hip belts for the ladies.

Skin & Nails
I love to wear sparkles on my skin and hair, something which is a fairly inexpensive item from any beauty supply store or Wal-Mart type store. Gold, silver, pink, purple, every color is available. Henna and other temporary tattoos can give your exposed skin a bit of interest without any permanency. If you have real tattoos, be sure to show them off. If you have beautiful fingernails, show them off with bright colors or even gold and silver. You can also pick up a set of fake nails and use the cool decorations and jewels. With as many foot fetish freaks as we have, don’t forget to show off your sexy toes.

Cosmetics
The word in make-up is bright and bold. Ladies, go for the sexy red and hot pink lipsticks, or black if that's your style. False eyelashes are very inexpensive and will give your eyes an exotic look, especially if you get the ones available around Halloween which are made with multi colored foil. Thanks to Alicia Keys, you can also pick up faux jewels for the eyelids which sparkle every time you blink.

Perfume
There's nothing sexier than leaning close to someone and catching the scent of their perfume or cologne. Remember not to overdo it, but also remember to wear it. Every little thing adds to your allure.

Shoes
Ahhh, shoes. Yup, I have a bit of a shoe fetish. Does this mean I have to totter around in five inch heels in the kind of pain I might not be enjoying? Of course not. In fact, all my heeled shoes are 1.5" heels or lower. If high-heeled fuck me pumps make you feel hotter than a Florida summer day, then by all means wear them. But if not, go for the lower heels. Narrow ones will make your feet look slimmer. Aim for bright colors and strappy looks. If you like the tough look, try some shit-kickin' boots. Ebay.com is great for shoes as most people have standard sizes. Also visit your local consignment shops and inexpensive shoe stores like Payless.

Stockings
Stockings are my top pick for inexpensive sexy accoutrements. Pantihose don't hold a candle to a garter peaking out from under your skirt. Shop around on the Internet for garter belts under $20 and stockings in every color for under $10.

When All Else Fails
Be creative. Chain belts can be worn as necklaces. Safety pins can be daisychained into earrings and bracelets. Scarves can be tied around the bust as a cropped top. Use your imagination, and let your fetish wardrobe go wild.

About the Author:

Sensuous Sadie is the author of It's Not About the Whip: Love, Sex, and Spirituality in the BDSM Scene . She is the founder and leader (1999 - 2001) of Rose & Thorn, Vermont's first BDSM group. Comments, compliments and complaints, as well as requests for reprinting can be addressed to her at or visit her website at sensuoussadie.com . Sadie believes the universe is abundant, and that sharing information freely is part of this abundance, so she allows reprints of her writing in most venues